Kitanzi's Colloquium

Via jhitchin:

DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I am struggling with the invitation list to my child's confirmation. Some of the potential invitees are members of a "poly" family.

The man is married to one woman. They live with a second woman. While I have not ever inquired about their bedding arrangements, I believe she is romantically attached to the wife. There is a third woman who dates the husband but lives elsewhere.

While they are quiet about this in their work and "in public," most of their friends know of the arrangement. They are not sneaking around -- the four of them are on excellent terms with each other. However, some of my relatives would be shocked if they knew of the relationships.

My daughter is friendly with the girlfriend, as am I. She would like to invite her. My husband and I are also friendly with the husband, whom we know through different connections. While I have met the wife and the other woman and get along with them well enough, I don't know them well enough that I would invite them to this sort of event were it not for their family connections to the husband.

So, are the four of them a package deal? Can I invite the husband and his girlfriend? Just the girlfriend? The husband and wife and girlfriend? How do I introduce them to my family?

GENTLE READER -- Since you admittedly do not know the bedding arrangements of this interesting assortment, you are spared the temptation of enlivening your child's confirmation by explaining their relationships to your relatives.

You can invite only the married couple, only their household, only one or both of the single ladies, or the whole group. But in any case, you introduce them by using their names. Miss Manners is sorry if this disappoints you.

I hereby withdraw and refute all previous complaints I have made about my name, and people's inability to get it right when speaking to me on the phone.

Going through records here, I see we used to have an employee whose name was Menace. I have no idea if the pronounciation was what it looked like, but the jokes pretty much tell themselves. I officially declare that's worse than Liverson, and Liverson's not even a name. (Right??)

Amusing bit from standing in line at the grocery store:

On the cover of - Woman's World? Womans Day... something. Anyhow, "The DaVinci Code Diet! Lose a pound a day! Secret code within the best selling book!"

Um, yeah. Do you suppose the author would nod sagely and wink if someone suggested he'd embedded these Weight Loss Secrets of the Ancients in his potboiler?

ACat suggests it is "You can eat all you want... but only Communion Wafers! Low cal, high fiber, with wine or grape juice as appropriate to your denomination."

What I'm speculating is, since I would willingly bet there's not a word of text in there about weight loss secrets, even in plausible code, does this rewriting of canon into what the reader wants to see count as fanfic of a sort?

I must apologise for any discomfiture you are experiencing as you read this letter and solicit your utmost confidence by virtue of this proposal. Let me introduce myself to you. I am Mrs Janet Lin, a director at the First Bank of Carterhaugh. I came to you in confidence because of some money, namely TWENTY-EIGHT MILLION GOLD COINS (28,000,000.000 gold coins) belonging to my missing husband, Thomas (Tam) Lin, who was abducted by the faeries in a ghastly incident many years ago. The money has been buried under a thorn hedge for seven hundred years. I have given up hope that my beloved THOMAS LIN will return and so have decided to retrieve his money and move to Tir Na Nog. I want you to help claim the buried money as you are a source for good investment. For this we are prepared to give you a reasonable percentage of the money. Meanwhile 15% (FOUR MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND GOLD COINS) has been set aside for you and the rest will be for me and my milk cow called Derek. For the intrest of doing business please do not hesitate to contact MR DEREK GUERNSEY on 27-731-450-735 Fax 27-843-232-611 IMMEDIATELY. I thank you for your cooperation and warn of DIRE CONSEQUENCES if you fail to solicit my confidences.

Mrs. Janet Lin
Director
First Bank of Carterhaugh

(swiped from atalantapendrag who disclaims authorship herself, we're all just spreading the goodness around)

Yes, you do. You too.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/cadhla/860352.html?nc=16&style=mine


LLLLLLLLLAMA!

If you like Harry Potter, if you know what fanfic is, if you've ever encountered the dreaded Mary Sue... or even if you just like to laugh.

http://piratemonkeysinc.com/ms1.htm

Too damn funny!

From my friends list, it looks like quite a few people sprang for the permanent account during the sale. The most common reason, when there was one mentioned, seemed to be the expanded number of icons. I've lost track of who all got one, but if anyone cares to speak up, I'd love to go peek at your huuuuge collection of icons and see the good stuff!

A year, maybe a year and a half ago, a dear friend who shall remain nameless dropped an open bottle of a pink yogurt type drink on the rug in the middle of our living room. Miraculously, nearly none of it got on the rug and with great relief she believed she'd avoided making a regrettable mess of our home.

An hour or two later I got home and gave her a hug - then looked over her shoulder and asked "What's the pink stuff on the wall?" Somehow, no one knows how, the bottle had hit the rug bottom first and apparently sprayed pink drops at high velocity and a hand grenade type trajectory everywhere BUT the rug.

Everywhere. Traces have been found in every room of the house now but the bathroom. It couldn't be reproduced if we tried.

It's become a standing joke, really. We have cheap, soft walls and there's no good way to clean them up short of painting. The pink comes out, but a scuff stays behind. Still, most of it's been slowly cleaned up - over the past year and a half. The part I really find absurdly funny, though, is that I'm *still* finding patches that have been missed. Every month or so, I'll look at some spot and start laughing, because it has pink spots. The blinds, the heating duct grille, the lamp... and now the bottom few inches of the bedroom door. I have no idea how none of us saw it before. It's been well over a year, and each time I spot a spot, I clean it up and go looking for more. I saw a handful of pink speckles on the door tonight that I had missed for some reason, and started laughing helplessly. I told ACat why I was laughing, and he grinned and asked if I was *sure* it wasn't an alien invasion which was reproducing in our apartment.

Maybe it is. Anyone want to come with me to introduce my pink spotted door to our leaders?

http://www.livejournal.com/users/atalantapendrag/163152.html

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts (inspired by 213 things Skippy can no longer do in the US Army.)

Select excerpts:

6. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".

Oh my..... I'm very glad I finished dinner first. Read the comments, too - the list is growing!

"TalkToAliens.com allows the public to broadcast telephone and e-mail messages into space via a custom engineered "Intergalactic Transmitter" and parabolic dish antenna. The system operates 24 hours a day."

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2005/3/emw220151.htm

Now ET could just email home... think of the savings in long distance charges!