I've always liked her...

[kitanzi]

Via jhitchin:

DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I am struggling with the invitation list to my child's confirmation. Some of the potential invitees are members of a "poly" family.

The man is married to one woman. They live with a second woman. While I have not ever inquired about their bedding arrangements, I believe she is romantically attached to the wife. There is a third woman who dates the husband but lives elsewhere.

While they are quiet about this in their work and "in public," most of their friends know of the arrangement. They are not sneaking around -- the four of them are on excellent terms with each other. However, some of my relatives would be shocked if they knew of the relationships.

My daughter is friendly with the girlfriend, as am I. She would like to invite her. My husband and I are also friendly with the husband, whom we know through different connections. While I have met the wife and the other woman and get along with them well enough, I don't know them well enough that I would invite them to this sort of event were it not for their family connections to the husband.

So, are the four of them a package deal? Can I invite the husband and his girlfriend? Just the girlfriend? The husband and wife and girlfriend? How do I introduce them to my family?

GENTLE READER -- Since you admittedly do not know the bedding arrangements of this interesting assortment, you are spared the temptation of enlivening your child's confirmation by explaining their relationships to your relatives.

You can invite only the married couple, only their household, only one or both of the single ladies, or the whole group. But in any case, you introduce them by using their names. Miss Manners is sorry if this disappoints you.

Comments

[aiela.livejournal.com]

Oh see, that was just an awesome response. Very cool.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

This is the same woman whose response -- in the seventies, IIRC, when it was not as common a social situation -- to the question, "What do I say when I am introduced to a homosexual 'couple'?" was:

"How do you do?" "How do you do?"

I'm not at all surprised that her present approach to the etiquette surrounding poly families is similarly matter of fact. Pleased, but not surprised. Miss Manners is great.

[annonynous.livejournal.com]

Yes, not surprised. Chosen One is a great fan of hers. I imagine Miss Manners' response to, at least in Massachusetts, a man introducing his husband or a woman introducing her wife would be the same. A lot of people in Massachusetts would probably disagree with this response, unfortunately. Tough!

Ann O.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

Miss Manners is big on the premise that other people's personal lives are not things polite people admit to thinking about, including disapprovingly.

Umm friends

[vatavian.livejournal.com]

There is a sometimes-awkward pause when you are introducing someone to someone else and you say "This us my, umm, friend."

The "umm" may happen because you are not really sure whether or how you want to describe your relationship. Rachel and I now have added "umm friend" to our private vocabulary as a phrase to describe people who are more complicated than "just a friend."

In actual introductions we usually avoid the problem by simply using people's names. If it is important to describe relationships, that can happen later.

[devinsong.livejournal.com]

Very nice! I've always liked Miss Manners. And it is indeed the perfect answer.