points of view

[kitanzi]

I keep running into many little things that remind me I'm not where I used to be. Some of these may be north vs south, some may be small town vs cityish, some may be as simple as my old job vs my new job, some may just be me being a bit out of synch, as I so often am. But all that's really a subject for another post - that's not really what I meant to be gong on about here.
In the final few minutes before I left work today, one of the friendlier women there was chattering on about how she needed to have lower standards so she could find herself a man. She wants, quite seriously, someone over 6', "manly" (which she translated for me as aggressive), an engineer (though I suspect she'd settle for anyone with what she considers an equivalent high income), childless, 27-33 years old, and a pile of other things that escape me now. I was mostly just smiling and making amused comments and trying not to sound TOO amused. I mentioned I had a tall boyfriend myself, though that hadn't been one of my requirements. She babbled happily on for a few minutes, then suddenly asked me when I was getting married.
Um, I'm not. I told her this, and you would have thought I had told her I butcher babies for a hobby. She did try to be tactful, I'll give her points for that, but she honestly couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. When I asked her why I should, and added that I didn't want kids, so that wasn't a consideration, she was (momentarily!) speechless. I was saved by a last minute incoming call, but her explicitly repeated point was that if I was "fulfilling the role of a wife" (nice euphemism) then why ever wasn't I getting married and having kids? Was something WRONG?
Yep, this is the bible belt. I know it, and mostly overlook it. Many of my coworkers have biblical quotations up on their cubes, and I've deflected a few inquiries on religion. (In fairness, I was doing that back in NH anyhow, because that's one of the topics I find almost never stays a discussion - it degenerates into an argument.) On the other hand, I know more pagans here than I did there, and at least as many poly folks.
I guess my original point - I did have one! - was to wonder how many other people, wherever they are, have run into the default expectation of marriage and kids, and similar horrified what's-wrong-with-you reactions if they weren't interested? Is it regional thing? A generational thing? Just me?

Comments

The UK is *different*

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

When I was a child, it was still considered "wrong" to be born out of wedlock ... but in the last 20-30 years in the UK, marriage went out of fashion.

Some figures: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1676313.stm (Nov 2001)
"In 1989 seven out of 10 people believed children should be born in wedlock, but now only 54% do, according to the annual survey by the National Centre for Social Research."

"A quarter of those interviewed thought married couples made better parents than unmarried ones.
A clear majority (67%) thought cohabitation was acceptable, even if a couple did not intend to get married."

"Six out of 10 young people thought marriage was still the best kind of relationship, said the survey. But they were unconvinced about the need for marriage, with only a third of 18- to 24-year-olds thinking marriage should precede parenthood"

"The survey also found that 91% of cohabitants did not have written agreements about their shares in the ownership of the family home, leaving many without entitlement if the relationship broke down or partner died." (NOTE: UK law! There is no "common law marriage" as 60% of UK people surveyed believed to exist and so no legal rights for the cohabiting partner unless this is put into writing)

And in a different article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1502007.stm
"The ONS said the proportion of failed marriages for couples both wed for the first time also dropped to 70% last year, compared to a level of 82% in 1981."
However
"In 1971, 404,000 people got married and 74,000 got divorced. This compares to 263,000 marriages in 1999 and 144,000 divorces."

And finally: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/692150.stm
"Almost four in 10 babies are now born outside of marriage"

Re: The UK is *different*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

That's very interesting! Cultural differences indeed... but seeing I just got settled in here, I think here is where I'm staying. :) Still, wow.

Tall Men/Short Women

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

Again, all this is based on UK surveys ... but this was in TODAY's news!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2190461.stm
Tall men 'top husband stakes'

"They say taller men are more sexually attractive and are more likely to father children"

"It seems that tall men and petite women are favoured in evolutionary terms, even in a modern population, so the height difference between men and women is unlikely to disappear," says Daniel Nettle of the Open University

Lots more interesting stuff at the link given above ...

"A man of 1.83m (6'1") was more likely to have children than an average man of 1.77m (5'8"). Women, though, were most likely to be married and have children if they were below the average height of 1.62 m (5'3")."

Re: Tall Men/Short Women

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

5' 3" is considered average for women?!? Is this specifically in the UK? I always thought I was just at the top end of average, at 5' 7".