make it stop

[kitanzi]

A week ago yesterday I came in to work and found out my coworker and friend, the 33 year old man who interviewed and hired me, had died at home in his sleep for no apparent reason, leaving behind a wife and two children under five. I went to his memorial service Saturday.

Last Thursday I visited another friend at the hospice, where he was waiting to die of bone cancer. He was so heavily medicated he simply wasn't in there, and I don't think he recognized me, though he tried to fake it. Yesterday evening I found out he had died, days later than the doctors said he was sure to. I'm not sure I can call that extra time a kindness to him or his wife, but he died in a good place with good people.

This morning I came out from the bathroom, looking for our cat Jenna, who knows that's her cue to come bother me for her canned food. She was lying dead in our computer room. She has had ongoing medical issues for a long time now, even surgery, but she had been eating well and gaining weight and really seemed to be getting so much better. Last night she sounded like she had a bit of hairballs, as she sometimes did, but curled up with ACat to sleep and we didn't worry. This morning I am cleaning up stains of dark liquid from the floor and wall in three different rooms, and all I can say is I am so fucking sorry we slept through this. We didn't know, Jenna, I'm so sorry.

If you care about someone, human or animal, please hug them today and tell them so. It's never wasted.

Comments

[madfilkentist]

HugsHugsHugs.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I really needed that. :)

[katyhh.livejournal.com]

Oh my dear, I am so very sorry ... *big big hugs to you and ACat*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I wish we could get them in person, but the thought is very much appreciated!

[eveningstartwo.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Hopefully, you will meet at the rainbow bridge.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

I've heard that idea before. Are we supposed to meet with all our former pets there? I must confess, this could get crowded. Thank you, though.

[catsittingstill.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

Animals often try to hide it, when they're sick; it is not your fault she succeeded.

*hugs*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

I guess, but I still feel awful that she was dying while we slept. She can't have tried to wake us up, but I can't imagine she went through this silently, either. :( Thank you for the hugs.

[aiela.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Jenna was well-loved, and I'll miss her.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know you know what losing a very loved pet feels like. *hug* We just got back from taking her to the vet for cremation. Dayna seems mostly normal - maybe a little clingy, but maybe that's just me trying to give her extra attention. :)

[zencuppa.livejournal.com]

Sending you and Rob my hugs and sympathy...

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's truly been a week from hell.

[tattercoats.livejournal.com]

I am so very sorry. I know how it hurts.

I'd only say... she may have said *her* goodbye already and wanted to be by herself at the end - there's no knowing. You did nothing wrong. She was loved, and she'll have known that. *hugs*.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you're right, but I still can't help wanting to have been there with her. I really doubt we could have done anything, but...

[eponasr.livejournal.com]

****hugs****

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. *hugs*

[poltr1]

*hugs*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and hugs back. Will you be at OVFF?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey - no one should have to go through all of this. *hugs* My thoughts are with you....

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This has been just such a week from hell. *hugs*

[surrdave.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear that. She couldn't have had a better home.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, we like to think so, especially since we adopted her from the shelter. I imagine we'll probably adopt another, but no time soon.

[gingicat]

*hugs*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

thank you. *hugs* What's the Jewish position on what happens to pets when they die, or is there one?

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

*gentle hugs*

I'm sorry for all of your losses. :(

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and thank you for the text. It was very timely, considering I was sitting at my work desk and really needed a hug. *hug*

[joyeuse13.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, Larissa. *hug*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hug* She was a sweet kitty. Did she ever come out from hiding long enough to meet you any time you visited? She would have been the white one.

[cellio]

I'm so sorry.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and I love the icon. :)

[joecoustic.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about the losses you and loved ones are suffering. I've had times where it just doesn't seem to stop accumulating and it's just so hard. *hugs*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Yeah... and I don't know if it's everything together or just that she was family and I felt responsible for her, but the cat hurts more than the people. Maybe that makes me bad at being a person - right now I don't care.

[celticdragonfly.livejournal.com]

Oh no - I am so sorry. Wish I could come hug you. I'll be thinking of you a lot.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I wish you could too. *hug*

[djbp.livejournal.com]

hugs

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and hugs back!

[zoethe.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

I've lost pets and friends, and it always sucks. I've never had two friends and a cat die in the space of a week, though - that is a record I never hope to top. Thank you.

[dessieoctavia.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. *hugs*

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hugs* How are yours doing?

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm so sorry.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hug* I'm sorry you won't be at OVFF.

[patoadam]

I'm so sorry for all your losses.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It feels like not just one damn thing after another, but all of them at once. *sigh* The universe can cut this out any time now...

[billroper]

It's never wasted.

So true.

And I'm sorry.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and it is true. It's easy to forget, though.

[anaisdjuna.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear of all this hurt in so short a clip. That is a lot of heavy nature and sorrow to feel and process in so short a time. Please know you are deeply cared about. I know Jenna knew she was well cared for. I've had some experience with alive, sick, and dying cats and they *know* what's up. Jenna knew she was a queen in y'all's home and y'all's hearts. Cats often go back to their solitary roots when they die. They do all that feline dignity and stuff that makes them so gorgeous and mysterious. When Mario died he purred up with me one last time and went under the bed to be by himself. I had no idea it was his last night.

I'm sending you lots of warm, gentle hugs. It's so hard to say good bye to a feline angel. She really was a warm hearted sweetheart who enjoyed a warm hearted home.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear. She really was, and it's going to be painful for a long time, I think. We have some canned cat food left which I am not feeding to our overweight Dayna - would it be of use to you? We also have a second litter box we no longer need.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Oh no!

*sending hugs to you and autographedcat* Hug each other for me?

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Will do, and thank you. (In fact, just did!)