Homesick Blues
Jan. 20th, 2003 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitanziMy own brain doesn't keep me very well informed sometimes. Sometimes I even think I can feel things churning around in the back of it, but the back doesn't tell the front what that's all about - most frustrating. Last night I was morose and maudlin, making unprovoked comments about how even if I did ever make it back north to visit people, I'd wind up regretting it because it just wouldn't be the same and no one would really remember me as a friend anyhow. It was stupid and unjust, and I knew it even as I said it, but it felt true at the time. I dunno.
Even then, it took a bit (and some help and snuggles from the patient ACat) to admit I was simply homesick. I did get to see some of the people I miss last weekend at Gafilk, but it was too short (it always is) and no, it wasn't the same. It couldn't be, but that doesn't mean these aren't still friends and family to me. Still, it left me unsettled and a bit melancholy, feeling something missing.
Then last night, I was reading LJ posts from more of the people I missed and talking to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
browngirl on #filkhaven, and convincing myself that I was sorry I didn't make it to Arisia to see everyone, but I was a big girl and it wasn't that big a deal.
I was so full of shit.
So I had my sniffles and my self-pity and my snuggles, and I do miss people but I'm not so bad now. This is home, and I am in good place, with someone I love dearly,and I have people here who have also become family and friends to me. They don't replace the ones I left behind though - I hope you all know who you are, and that I will be back as soon as I can to visit. It won't be the same, but it will still, I hope, be good.
That's not home, anymore, but I guess a bigger piece of me still lives there than I realized..
Even then, it took a bit (and some help and snuggles from the patient ACat) to admit I was simply homesick. I did get to see some of the people I miss last weekend at Gafilk, but it was too short (it always is) and no, it wasn't the same. It couldn't be, but that doesn't mean these aren't still friends and family to me. Still, it left me unsettled and a bit melancholy, feeling something missing.
Then last night, I was reading LJ posts from more of the people I missed and talking to
browngirl on #filkhaven, and convincing myself that I was sorry I didn't make it to Arisia to see everyone, but I was a big girl and it wasn't that big a deal. I was so full of shit.
So I had my sniffles and my self-pity and my snuggles, and I do miss people but I'm not so bad now. This is home, and I am in good place, with someone I love dearly,and I have people here who have also become family and friends to me. They don't replace the ones I left behind though - I hope you all know who you are, and that I will be back as soon as I can to visit. It won't be the same, but it will still, I hope, be good.
That's not home, anymore, but I guess a bigger piece of me still lives there than I realized..
no subject
Date: 2003-01-20 11:05 pm (UTC)Damn straight! There's a little, cherished bit of you in the hearts of many of us up here in
The Icebox. And the memories warm us when we are in need.
You are still my youngest and dearest friend, kitanzi. [huGG]
Ann Onynous.
Re:
Date: 2003-01-21 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-21 11:56 pm (UTC)b) We'd BETTER be! Lois is Con Chair Tina and I'm her exECuted assistant.
Be seeing you!
Ann O.
PS - If I married some guy named Domini, would I be Ann O. Domini? Or would
I just be in deep doo-doo??
Re:
Date: 2003-01-22 04:20 am (UTC)