Spamming my own journal?

[kitanzi]

Three posts in a day... I think I am tying my own record for this. I did mention I was trying to polish a song, yes? Well, I wrote a surprisingly ose song while I had a cold in England, and I've been fiddling and tinkering with it. (I didn't start out ose, believe me. It's one of those that wandered off on its own, leaving me to trail behind it. In fact, I think even by Erica Neely's definition, this is ose!)


I'm still not quite happy with the scansion on the second verse, or how potentially topical it feels at the moment, but any constructive comments are welcome. I don't promise to actually change anything, though. :)

(tto: The Phoenix, by Julia Ecklar)

In an hour of fire, in a day of rage, they did die.
I know not who began the war, I cannot even cry.
But when fire and smoke had faded, leaving ruins in the night,
I found myself searching fruitlessly, seeking any sign of life.

For my streets were made of asphalt, my homes of brick and glass,
I was the jewel of Terra for my history that had passed.
Built for many lifetimes, I lived, but now I fear ,
For a city with no people dies – is there anybody here?

When the missiles launched in the icy morning's clouded dawn,
No one yet believed their world by evening would be gone,
But death rained down in a hail of fire and thunder broke the day –
Now the city crumbles silently, and the children do not play.

My people lie in ashes now, but I am here.
Where people go, I do not know – they could be anywhere.
And I am but a city, though men built me with pride -
Though yet I stand, I know not the fate of a city such as I.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It's sort of late, I'm tired, and now I'm feeling pretty depressed. As I guess you are, too.
This nightmare still has you (and many others) in its grip. I dread the release. It will come.

I hope this is an exercise in combating the fear, yet I fear it is not. Look out your window
at the trees crammed with white flowers. They mean something.

I *will* comment on this, but not tonight. I'm not up to it.

That being said, have you titled it? "The City"? "The Jewel Of Terra"? "The Pride Of Man"?
"Shrub's Legacy"?

Ann Onynous.

Re:

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Nope, no title... any of those might do, though.

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

I suppose it could be somewhat a commentary on the current situation ,but actually it wasn't, when I wrote it back a month or so ago. I was thinking more like taking that ghost story from the original song, and giving it a twist.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Beautiful and sad. Oh, oh.

A.
thinking

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

Nice

[surrdave.livejournal.com]

I really believe that this sort of thing is the reason it won't all come to an end. Thanks.

Re: Nice

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

Thank you - very much. :)

[pola-bear.livejournal.com]

that is lovely, and ose. But ose isn't that bad a tihng :).

Re:

[kitanzi.livejournal.com]

No, not necessarily - but it is rather unusual for me. :)