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Curiosity and clarification
Nov. 27th, 2005 08:50 pmI'm kind of curious, and this seems a reasonable place to ask. I know a lot of people who talk about chosen family (or clan, or whatever), either in addition to or instead of the more traditional biological family. Sometimes it's in relation to poly, but not necessarily by any means.
If you describe yourself as having chosen family, how do you choose that family? What defines, for you, family as opposed to friends? Is the boundary fluid? Do you ever have people who are friends eventually come to feel like family, or do you drift away from people and eventually count them as friends instead? Are family relationships necessarily more intimate? Are you more likely to try and build a relationship with someone based on the fact that they are involved with someone you consider family, or a friend, or does that make any difference at all? I've recently seen it described as a distinction that's easier for someone from a close knit, loving family to make than someone who wasn't, based on what it feels like - does this describe what most of you have observed? Does it make a difference to you if someone you consider family doesn't consider you so, doesn't choose you back?
It's a far more complicated concept than the standard biological family where the relationship is clearly defined - you are born with a standard set of relations, and expected to evolve emotional attachments to match. My own family is definitely not close, and I do tend to feel that I have people who are chosen family, but recent conversations and observations have made me think about it a little more. Somewhat like poly, it's not a simple thing, and means many things to many people. It's also prone to assumptions people may not even realize they're making, or at least so I find, so I'm curious what other people may come up with if I get you all thinking about it too!
If you describe yourself as having chosen family, how do you choose that family? What defines, for you, family as opposed to friends? Is the boundary fluid? Do you ever have people who are friends eventually come to feel like family, or do you drift away from people and eventually count them as friends instead? Are family relationships necessarily more intimate? Are you more likely to try and build a relationship with someone based on the fact that they are involved with someone you consider family, or a friend, or does that make any difference at all? I've recently seen it described as a distinction that's easier for someone from a close knit, loving family to make than someone who wasn't, based on what it feels like - does this describe what most of you have observed? Does it make a difference to you if someone you consider family doesn't consider you so, doesn't choose you back?
It's a far more complicated concept than the standard biological family where the relationship is clearly defined - you are born with a standard set of relations, and expected to evolve emotional attachments to match. My own family is definitely not close, and I do tend to feel that I have people who are chosen family, but recent conversations and observations have made me think about it a little more. Somewhat like poly, it's not a simple thing, and means many things to many people. It's also prone to assumptions people may not even realize they're making, or at least so I find, so I'm curious what other people may come up with if I get you all thinking about it too!
