kitanzi: (Default)
Things to make you go hmmmmm...

In finding myself a new doctor for my insurance plan, I noticed that the next office over apparently has Stephen King practicing medicine.

I wonder just how much grief he gets, and how many bad jokes about zombies, plague and such.
kitanzi: (firefly my wicked ways - by lexigeek)
Via [ profile] jhitchin:

DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I am struggling with the invitation list to my child's confirmation. Some of the potential invitees are members of a "poly" family.

The man is married to one woman. They live with a second woman. While I have not ever inquired about their bedding arrangements, I believe she is romantically attached to the wife. There is a third woman who dates the husband but lives elsewhere.

While they are quiet about this in their work and "in public," most of their friends know of the arrangement. They are not sneaking around -- the four of them are on excellent terms with each other. However, some of my relatives would be shocked if they knew of the relationships.

My daughter is friendly with the girlfriend, as am I. She would like to invite her. My husband and I are also friendly with the husband, whom we know through different connections. While I have met the wife and the other woman and get along with them well enough, I don't know them well enough that I would invite them to this sort of event were it not for their family connections to the husband.

So, are the four of them a package deal? Can I invite the husband and his girlfriend? Just the girlfriend? The husband and wife and girlfriend? How do I introduce them to my family?

GENTLE READER -- Since you admittedly do not know the bedding arrangements of this interesting assortment, you are spared the temptation of enlivening your child's confirmation by explaining their relationships to your relatives.

You can invite only the married couple, only their household, only one or both of the single ladies, or the whole group. But in any case, you introduce them by using their names. Miss Manners is sorry if this disappoints you.
kitanzi: (firefly ain't that somethin - by niceven)
I used my lunch hour today to get blood drawn for some medical tests, and while I was at the doctor's office I picked up a flier for a blood drive they're having there on Friday. The hours are ridiculously inconvenient for anyone with a regular full time day job but I figured maybe I could use my lunch again.

So it's a cute little flier for LifeSouth, a regional blood bank type organization, and it clearly tells you where and when this is and promises goodies and cholesterol screening for anyone who shows up. I glanced at it and stuck it in my pocket, and only just now looked at it more closely. When I did, however...

The header is "Life is unpredictable - give blood." Very reasonable, very true. It's accompanied by three little international-symbol style drawings to suggest what sort of unpredictable things might require one to get blood, making this blood drive terribly vital. These appear to be a person and a house being tossed around by a tornado, a person about to be crushed by a soda vending machine, and a person flying through the air after being zapped by a UFO with a death beam.

So, apparently the next time you get hit by an alien death ray in the southeastern US you should call LifeSouth, because hey, they KNOW about these things.

name game

Nov. 27th, 2006 01:38 pm
kitanzi: (firefly ain't that somethin - by niceven)
I hereby withdraw and refute all previous complaints I have made about my name, and people's inability to get it right when speaking to me on the phone.

Going through records here, I see we used to have an employee whose name was Menace. I have no idea if the pronounciation was what it looked like, but the jokes pretty much tell themselves. I officially declare that's worse than Liverson, and Liverson's not even a name. (Right??)
kitanzi: (lost my marbles - by princess_eleni)
Go out there and play volleyball with brightly colored birds!

Yes, let's celebrate Spike Like a Parrot day!
kitanzi: (eyebrow lift - by pkastacy)
Amusing bit from standing in line at the grocery store:

On the cover of - Woman's World? Womans Day... something. Anyhow, "The DaVinci Code Diet! Lose a pound a day! Secret code within the best selling book!"

Um, yeah. Do you suppose the author would nod sagely and wink if someone suggested he'd embedded these Weight Loss Secrets of the Ancients in his potboiler?

ACat suggests it is "You can eat all you want... but only Communion Wafers! Low cal, high fiber, with wine or grape juice as appropriate to your denomination."

What I'm speculating is, since I would willingly bet there's not a word of text in there about weight loss secrets, even in plausible code, does this rewriting of canon into what the reader wants to see count as fanfic of a sort?

Um, yeah

Nov. 11th, 2005 06:34 pm
kitanzi: (Glee! - by Kataclysmic)

Read it, do please read it. But don't be drinking anything while you do - it may be hazardous to your health!
kitanzi: (weird -Boogiejack)
I must apologise for any discomfiture you are experiencing as you read this letter and solicit your utmost confidence by virtue of this proposal. Let me introduce myself to you. I am Mrs Janet Lin, a director at the First Bank of Carterhaugh. I came to you in confidence because of some money, namely TWENTY-EIGHT MILLION GOLD COINS (28,000,000.000 gold coins) belonging to my missing husband, Thomas (Tam) Lin, who was abducted by the faeries in a ghastly incident many years ago. The money has been buried under a thorn hedge for seven hundred years. I have given up hope that my beloved THOMAS LIN will return and so have decided to retrieve his money and move to Tir Na Nog. I want you to help claim the buried money as you are a source for good investment. For this we are prepared to give you a reasonable percentage of the money. Meanwhile 15% (FOUR MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND GOLD COINS) has been set aside for you and the rest will be for me and my milk cow called Derek. For the intrest of doing business please do not hesitate to contact MR DEREK GUERNSEY on 27-731-450-735 Fax 27-843-232-611 IMMEDIATELY. I thank you for your cooperation and warn of DIRE CONSEQUENCES if you fail to solicit my confidences.

Mrs. Janet Lin
First Bank of Carterhaugh

(swiped from [ profile] atalantapendrag who disclaims authorship herself, we're all just spreading the goodness around)


Oct. 10th, 2005 06:53 pm
kitanzi: (Default)

Remember the Simarillion in 1000 words? Well, this is Serenity in 2000 words or less. It's incredibly funny, and, not surprisingly, THOROUGHLY FILLED WITH SPOILERS. If you're seen the movie, check it out. Brilliantly, hysterically funny!
kitanzi: (Default)
Can't afford your gasoline? Considering trying to use the real estate bubble for second mortgage to fill the gas tank? Think the whole situation might be a little more tolerable if you could laugh about it?
kitanzi: (weird -Boogiejack)
If you like Harry Potter, if you know what fanfic is, if you've ever encountered the dreaded Mary Sue... or even if you just like to laugh.

Too damn funny!
kitanzi: (weird -Boogiejack)
HUFU, the vegetarian/vegan friendly "cannibal convenience food" that will "satisfy the tastes of even the most demanding cannibal." Soon to come - Hufu Healthy Hearts and Hufu Doctor Lecter's Liver. (The FAQ is a stitch!)

They do, in fact, claim to be for real. On the other hand, they're backordered for who knows how long... Iron Chef, anyone?
kitanzi: (Default)
From my friends list, it looks like quite a few people sprang for the permanent account during the sale. The most common reason, when there was one mentioned, seemed to be the expanded number of icons. I've lost track of who all got one, but if anyone cares to speak up, I'd love to go peek at your huuuuge collection of icons and see the good stuff!
kitanzi: (happy -iconomania)
How many are familiar with [ profile] milliways_bar? Hands, please?

Really? Wow. Well, it's an LJ role playing community that allows crossover of every fictional character you can conceive of in a self-contained bar at the end of the universe (yep, Douglas Adams reference!), and which tends to spawn some addictively readable characters and thread lines. When it works well - and it usually does - it's brilliant. I'm hooked, really hooked. Those of you who have already found out about it know what I mean. Those of you who haven't, give it a try.

Those of you who are familiar with Good Omens, or Firefly, or just would love to read a wonderfully evocative bit of roleplaying, may I suggest this bit to try? Even if you're iffy on the sort of thing as a rule, this is a lovely bit of writing.

If you find you'd like more of an overview of who hangs around, what's going on, and how it all works, I'd suggest [ profile] millichannel for daily thread summaries and links (the place is even more of a time sink than LJ as a whole) and this explanation of the workings and characters at the Bar at the End of the Universe. Great fun!
kitanzi: (weird -Boogiejack)
A year, maybe a year and a half ago, a dear friend who shall remain nameless dropped an open bottle of a pink yogurt type drink on the rug in the middle of our living room. Miraculously, nearly none of it got on the rug and with great relief she believed she'd avoided making a regrettable mess of our home.

An hour or two later I got home and gave her a hug - then looked over her shoulder and asked "What's the pink stuff on the wall?" Somehow, no one knows how, the bottle had hit the rug bottom first and apparently sprayed pink drops at high velocity and a hand grenade type trajectory everywhere BUT the rug.

Everywhere. Traces have been found in every room of the house now but the bathroom. It couldn't be reproduced if we tried.

It's become a standing joke, really. We have cheap, soft walls and there's no good way to clean them up short of painting. The pink comes out, but a scuff stays behind. Still, most of it's been slowly cleaned up - over the past year and a half. The part I really find absurdly funny, though, is that I'm *still* finding patches that have been missed. Every month or so, I'll look at some spot and start laughing, because it has pink spots. The blinds, the heating duct grille, the lamp... and now the bottom few inches of the bedroom door. I have no idea how none of us saw it before. It's been well over a year, and each time I spot a spot, I clean it up and go looking for more. I saw a handful of pink speckles on the door tonight that I had missed for some reason, and started laughing helplessly. I told ACat why I was laughing, and he grinned and asked if I was *sure* it wasn't an alien invasion which was reproducing in our apartment.

Maybe it is. Anyone want to come with me to introduce my pink spotted door to our leaders?
kitanzi: (weird -Boogiejack)
I came in to work a bit ago, and was getting myself settled in when I swear I heard a faint female voice from across the floor singing "Batman's got an attitude, everybody takes him seriously..." I swear I heard it. So, intensely curious, I walked over and politely asked the only woman in that area if she'd been singing Arthur Curry

She looked at me very strangely and seemed somewhat abashed, and said she'd been singing the Batman theme song. I apologized, told her what I thought I'd heard (that first fragment), she shook her head and I beat a quick retreat. Now my mind's hallucinating random drive by filkers at work....
kitanzi: (Default)

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts (inspired by 213 things Skippy can no longer do in the US Army.)

Select excerpts:

6. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".

Oh my..... I'm very glad I finished dinner first. Read the comments, too - the list is growing!
kitanzi: (oh really - iconomania)
Ohhhhhh my...... gotta read the whole thing. I especially liked it since I was brought up Unitarian Universalist.

"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary."

"We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone."

edit - wow! I read this first thing when I got up, laughed and immediately posted it only to find when I went to read my friends list at least a dozen other people have got it up too. Oh well!
kitanzi: (idiot -  Made by aureliapriscus)
" allows the public to broadcast telephone and e-mail messages into space via a custom engineered "Intergalactic Transmitter" and parabolic dish antenna. The system operates 24 hours a day."

Now ET could just email home... think of the savings in long distance charges!

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